i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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