i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
