Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
