I seem to have left my pride at pride
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
