I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
You're a waste of cheezeits
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
