Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
