Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize