I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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