I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
