Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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