Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
