Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Randomize
