Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
