Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Mom said you looked used
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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