that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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