did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Randomize
