That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
