make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
