uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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