She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
