So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
