i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Randomize
