You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
how drunk are you?
Several
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Never joke about your clitoris.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize