I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Naked. naked and bneed help.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
