And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
It's rum buckets o'clock
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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