Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Randomize
