Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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