i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
