I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
