I am puke
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
