so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
im calling her cock vulture from now on
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
