One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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