3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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