If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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