strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
