I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Randomize
