I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
