It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
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