and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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