I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
My liver just broke up with me...
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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