i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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