You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
