My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Randomize
