Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
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