This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
