He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Randomize
