I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
