I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
