He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
