I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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