What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
