Barsexuality is the new black.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
