I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
