Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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