Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
