im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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