wanna go halves on a baby?
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
