Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
