Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
