I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
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