ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
