i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
