I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
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