I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
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