batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
