singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
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My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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